A Short Story 007 : My brother in law’s long hands (Makhut Sangba Enao Nupa)

My brother in law’s long hands (Makhut Sangba Enao Nupa)

A short story by Monica Ingudam


I was in my late teens, I thought I was going for a date with my boyfriend. It started as one until we got into a conversation where he overcame with jealousy and insecurities knowing about a guy’s proposal for marriage through my mother and our date ended up to elopement (eloping is quite common in my place in Manipur). I was young and naïve. I didn’t know the gravity of changes, responsibilities which came with marriage. My mother cried so much, I thought it was pretty romantic and giggled throughout. And we got married.It was a whole new world. I was raised pretty carefree and didn’t do much house chores. Initially I loved playing the new daughter in law (Mou anoubi) waking up early, sweeping and moping the house, taking bath in ice cold pond water, collecting drinking water from our community water tap, cooking, wearing my new matching clothes (phi and phanek) and doing all the house chores but later I found it quite tiring and tasking. It was 5 of us, my parents in law, my husband, his younger brother and me. His younger brother, though older to me calls me “Eteima” (sister in law) by relation.

My days was filled with house chores and picking up things around the house. But I was happy filled with my husband’s love and I waited eagerly for his return from work, every evening. When I see him, nothing else mattered. And I loved the way he will come to the kitchen as I cooked, steal a kiss or hold my hands seeing the where about of his parents and brother. We had our own room but no door ( it’s a common style in Manipur, rooms without door) but it had a curtain flying high with the wind flow through the house. Our walls of our room was bare bamboo where you can hear every conversation or creak of the next room. Maintaining our privacy was a big challenge with anyone walking in anytime with no door nor concept of knocking.

One morning, I woke up feeling the hands caressing my body and as I turned and opened my eyes I just screamed “Ho Ema Ho Ema” ( oh Mother oh Mother). It was my brother in law and he ran out quickly out of the room. Everyone came running into the room and I just cried. I said nothing, I was not sure what to do, whether my husband will even believe me and what would be the implications if I tell him. I looked back and thought about the moments I felt watched or seen shadows as I was taking my afternoon nap, bathing or changing which I brushed off as over thinking too much. I felt so invaded and disgusted.

I continued with my morning routine, did my morning worship and was cooking. I saw my brother in law who looked through me without any guilt or shame. I felt so humiliated and angry. I went to my room. My husband was getting ready for work and hugged me seeing me really disturbed. He asked me what I saw in my dream and coaxed me to share with him. I told him what happened. I was afraid he won’t believe me, he got so angry and muttered “he won’t even leave his sister in law” and left the room calling out for my brother in law’s name. Things happened so quickly and the next thing I saw was my husband beating my brother in law, my father in law pleading to my husband not to make it public and my mother in law watching as she mutters “Ei sibana phare, ei sibana phare” (better I die, better I die). My husband was so angry and just screamed. I had never seen him so angry, so angry he threw all the furnitures, vessels in the house. We had a beautiful pink bougainvillea in the front porch which he cut into pieces. After that he came to the room, broken and cried like a baby and kept saying he was sorry. We hugged and cried together.

That afternoon itself, My husband extended the house, started building our own little home with doors which could be locked. He literally made the house with his own hands with bamboos, which were plastered with mud from our community big pond, mixed with finely cut hay. And he finished with coating of smooth sands, sands from the banks of Imphal “turel” (river) and whitewashed the walls beautifully. And we moved out making it our home. The house was covered with tin and we could hear rains or hail stones. I felt safe and happy with the doors locked, in my home filled with my husband’s love.

My husband wouldn’t talk about it but I learnt that my brother in law has multiple remarks in the community of such incidents. But it was always hushed up with my father in law, laying flat on the floor, touching their feet and begging it will not happen again and not to make it public. But it happened again and again with different people. And no one warned me about it. I don’t know of any law which can punish him. And the victims, including myself won’t talk about it for fear of being stained by society. I try to avoid seeing him but I do see him and his sight gives me the goose bumps with a deep feeling of disgust. But he walks free and continues his acts without any shame or guilt.

~ The End~


LIFE’S THIS & THATMonicaIngudam

Collection of short stories written by Monica Ingudam. These stories are based on Life’s this and that focusing on Manipur and the people of Manipur.


 

035 It’s all in the mind : The Walk

The Walk
Hold my hands and walk with me,
Breath in deeply,
The air we share,
Air filled with the fragrance,
Fragrance of fresh green bamboo leaves,
Air filled with the fragrance,
Fragrance of the red soil of the hill,
Air filled with love,
You don’t have to say a word,
Just hold my hands and walk with me.

~The End~

An Experimental attempt to put thoughts in writing by Monica Ingudam.

034 It’s all in the mind : Priceless moments

Priceless moments

He is my little boy,
Who senses my feelings, without any spoken words.
Who hugs me and lay down with me in silence when I need the most.
Who added meaning to the word “brave”,
Who taught me strength,
And inspired me to be positive.

His after school stories,
His unexpected funny comments,
His pranks, tantrums and tease,
His surprises, smile and laughter,
His running, tight hug and kisses after getting down from his school bus,
Priceless moments I live for.

~The End~

An Experimental attempt to put thoughts in writing by Monica Ingudam.

033 It’s all in the mind : The “high” from fear

The “high” from fear

Moving hands to move forward,
Kicking hard to keep afloat,
Peaking out to catch a breath,
Looking down making bubbles,
Seeing the patterned tiles below,
And you see it sloping down ,
Suddenly gripping you with fear,
Knowing you are going to the deeper end,
Where you could sink,
But you are already there,
You can hate it or love it,
But you definitely have to deal with it,
You sink and sink a bit,
You kick harder and harder,
Swimming back through where you can stand on your feet,
Emerging gasping for air,
And then you give a wicked smile,
Loving the taste of being “high” from fear,
And you know you would still go back to the deep end again despite the fear.

~The End~

An Experimental attempt to put thoughts in writing by Monica Ingudam.

032 It’s all in the mind : Colors through your eyes

Colors through your eyes

How would I know of the beauty of the vibrant green color of the bamboo leaves ?
How would I know of the beautiful rich saffron color soil of the hill ?
How would I know the beauty of the golden sun as it rises and sets?
How would I know the beauty of flowers with colors ?
I am color blind,
I know “beautiful” and “colors” through your eyes and words,
Otherwise it’s a mere black and white sight.

~The End~

An Experimental attempt to put thoughts in writing by Monica Ingudam.

031 It’s all in the mind : Peace

Peace

I felt love,
I felt happiness,
And I felt beautiful.

I felt pains,
I felt jealousy,
And I felt rejections.

Depending on the mood and whims of the wind,
I flew like a dust,
And now I land in your feet seeking for peace.

~The End~

An Experimental attempt to put thoughts in writing by Monica Ingudam.

030 It’s all in the mind : The Cactus Plant

The Cactus Plant

Test me with your heat,
Test me with extreme thirst,
I am a survivor,
I am filled with thorns,
Thorns that look tiny to the eyes, But can cause piercing pains,
On your feet as you trample on me,
I thrive in extreme condition,
And yet blooming beautifully,
I am the cactus plant.

~The End~

An Experimental attempt to put thoughts in writing by Monica Ingudam.

Education and Financial Independence for Woman

Education and Financial Independence for Woman

An article by Monica Ingudam


As we celebrate Woman’s day today, I would like to thank my parents and all the parents who have given the gift of education and raising a girl child with gender equality despite the economic background. The best gift any child could receive is the gift of education which would last a lifetime with the knowledge gained, but also giving a path to attain financial independence.

Financial independence for a woman plays a very important role to live in dignity, to voice the mind, to get the freedom to do little things in life, little things that matters in your heart, lifting your self-esteem and confidence. It’s a whole different charm and satisfaction to do things for yourself or for your love ones with your own hard earned money, than it is doing by asking or begging someone or even getting it as a gift.

For “many woman” who are financially dependent, she is faced to accept decisions and whims of the bread winner of the family. Though she may be contributing and managing the home front with excellence, her life gets compromised in many ways. Her voice getting drowned, not heard and finally silenced, reducing her status to a programmed robot, a human robot taking commands with the only freedom to shed tears.

Some may argue this is not always the case and I agree. But if you ever fall in the category of the “many woman” and you are equipped with “Education”, you have the “choice” to attain financial independence pursuing your career to sustain yourself, free yourself, find your voice, and live a life with dignity.

~The End ~

This post is dedicated to all my young student listeners to pursue your education no matter what. There is a time and place for everything and now is your time to study.

This article, though edited was featured in the March 2014 issue of “Northeast Today” magazine, page 57.  Thanks “Northeast Today” for featuring my thoughts on celebrating womanhood.

 

 

A Short Story 006 : Love and Mother’s words

Love and Mother’s words

A short story by Monica Ingudam


It all started from a phone call I received from an unknown number one evening as I am walking from the laboratory to my hostel. After the initial awkward silence trying to figure out who is on the other side of the call, I realized he is one of the senior guy whom I had called “Da” (big brother). I saw him in some common friend’s gathering during my recent trip back home in Manipur. I never understood why he called me that day though he said, it was just to know each other (“Sum KhangNaSe toubanida“) as he was going around with a beautiful girl and I was going around with someone. It was a tiring day and I was in fact very annoyed with his call and tried to find out who shared my number with him. It’s irritating when your friends give out your number without informing.

Before I knew it we started talking everyday, chatting in whatsapp, skyping video calls. And I felt this strong attraction towards him, almost gave a high in me, a feeling which I never felt before. My moods started becoming good or bad depending on how our conversations went that day and he slowly became my world. It was initially denial, fighting with myself with these conflicting feelings as I was seeing someone else. It was the same for him with his girlfriend. I tried staying away from him, tried to make things work with my boyfriend. But I just thought about him even being with my boyfriend, I kept seeing his face, kept hearing his words. Though it was a painful phase, I broke off with my boyfriend. And he did the same with his girlfriend. And with time and healing, we were free to love. I continued calling him “Da” (big brother) and he became my lover, a form of addressing which is quite common in the place where I come from.

I was in Pune doing my Post graduation and he was in Kolkata doing PHD. We had this connection even though we haven’t met each other nor have gone out for a date. We had this virtual dates where we had walked together as it rained in Kolkata, looked at each other’s eyes via video chats melting my heart, he sang for me, said words that stirred me and made me feel like a woman bringing the best smile in me making me feel beautiful. This continued for months and we had to meet to see if it’s real. After multiple attempts of planning, finally we were to meet in Imphal, our hometown.

I was nervous and excited, planned every details on what to wear, when and where we will meet. I was not sure how we will feel about each other when we meet in person “Maybe this is all virtual”. I landed in Imphal airport and walked out trolleying my luggage when I saw him standing tall next to my brother. He looked at me and smiled and I could feel this strong thick attractions pulling me towards him. I felt like walking in a dream. We just exchanged glances, exchanged looks that said a lot but didn’t get a chance to talk to each other as I had to go home with my brother. We meet for our first date at Poana Plaza restaurant at Poana Bazaar, requested my favorite songs to be played, making me feel like dancing with him and be in his arms. He held my hands for the first time and it was bliss, just bliss touching every nerve in my body. We didn’t have any words to say and our eyes said everything. I felt so happy and thought to myself “Oh this is how love feels”. Our relationship took to the next level where we spoke of a life together.

I returned to Pune and he stayed back in Imphal for longer. He was very happy and he spoke of telling his family about me. I knew something was not right when he stopped calling me, wouldn’t answer my calls and have even blocked me at whatsapp. It worried me sick and finally when we spoke, I found out that his mother rejected the proposal. She rejected me and told him that he can choose any girl in the whole world except a girl from that family, my family. Upon digging there was some family history going back to my grandparents times which caused the rift and hatred. I was heartbroken with the rejection. And he was torn between our love and his mother’s words.

I had built this wall with my ego on this rejection thinking “I am beautiful, qualified and why should I go to a family who have rejected me, I deserve better”. I had all the good reasons to walk out of this relationship but my heart just wouldn’t agree with my thoughts. Some days I understood his situation being torn between 2 of his favorite woman and felt sympathetic but most days, I am angry, very angry that he wouldn’t stand for me, fight for me, do something, do anything and make me his woman. We have this phase of disappearing and reappearing in each others lives starting with a simple casual “hi” and ending with passionate talks. The disappearing phase seem so empty and painful making the reappearing phase irrestible making me give in just to hear his voice, read his words fighting my mind which echoed loud and clear “There is no future”. We see no future and yet we can’t keep away from each other. I don’t know how our story will end and how long this forbidden love will go on. I just know that I love him.

~The End~


LIFE’S THIS & THATMonicaIngudam

Collection of short stories written by Monica Ingudam. These stories are based on Life’s this and that focusing on Manipur and the people of Manipur.